Lucy, if you still read this silly little blog, this one's for you. I want others to share their experiences and advice just as you did.
My VERY GOOD friend Lucy just said goodbye to her husband again. He just went back to Iraq from R&R. And she's dealing with it. She confessed to me that this goodbye was harder than his initial deployment. And suggested that Joe take his R&R as close to his re-deployment as possible. It makes sense to me; I can see the reasons why this would make a lot of sense. But then again, having it in the middle makes sense to me too. But what do I know, this is my first deployment.
So all my ladies that have been through this goodbye^2, please let me know what your opinions are and what I should do about our R&R.
8 comments:
I wish I had some advice but this is our first deployment too. I do look forward to your answers though because I've been seriously debating how we want to handle R&R and if he'll even come home at all - or if we'll meet him somewhere - or even if I should take the kids. It's such a hard decision.
Oh I'm writing the book on this topic as we speak (figuratively of course, I don't have time to write a novel)! This is hubby's 3rd deployment and he learned early on that it makes things easier for everyone if you just stick out a long, painful 3/4 of the year and have R&R late because then you can just say goodbye for a few months instead of suffering through another half a year. This deployment, however, he opted not to take R&R at ALL. We made this decision for various reasons, and while I'm in that last-2-months-are-dragging-and-I'm-cranky phase, I really do think it was best for us. I just can't imagine having him here, interrupting my school routine (even if it's a good interruption) and then having to say goodbye all over again while I'm trying to wrap up my Masters program. I know it's different for everyone, but this is one Army wife that votes for a late (or no) R&R.
It's really up to you and works best for you guys. The first time, we did it right smack in the middle. Unfortunately, he got extended another three months, so it was 9 months after R&R before he came home. It was a long 9 months.
The second time around (this last time) he came home at the 3 month mark, because of my miscarriage. So, it was still another 9 months before he came home again, but I had been through it already, was working a way better job (i.e. I wasn't miserable and hating life) and all in all, didn't really notice much of a difference.
So, it all depends on your situation, and what works for you/what you want. Regardless of what you choose, it's going to be hard saying goodbye a second time. I wish I could tell you different, but it still sucks, sending them back, no matter how far (or close) you are to the end of the deployment.
I, too, am about to go through the first deployment. It seems easier to have them come home later in the deployment rather than earlier. I am hopeful that we get a late R&R instead of an earlier one, if we get one at all. I'm looking forward to reading more comments!
We do it as late as possible. When we did the 15+ month deployment, hubby took his R&R at the 11 1/2 month mark. I was wanting it sooner, but he said it would be better to wait. Upon hindsight, I totally agree. Sending them back after R&R is a lot harder than you would expect. And when he went back, we then only had a few months to go.
We have always done R & R (or mid tour when Tim was in Korea) as late as possible. For us, having him come home at the 6 month mark & leaving again for another 6+ months was entirely too difficult for our kids. They are older now so they understand better but when they were young & Tim would come home, they thought it was for "good". They would get used to him being there & BAM, off again & it would take weeks for them to recover. My sister, who also has young children, and her husband decided not to do R & R at all during their last deployment for the same reasons. It really is what you think will work best for you but in my experience; it's best to take it as late as possible. I'll be thinking of you sweetie!! (@armywife98)
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The second goodbye is always the hardest for us. This last time we had him take the latest leave possible. He was actually the last one to come home on R&R, he had been gone over 9 months. Although at times it does seem like forever, it just worked out best for us. It really seems like no matter when you take leave and no matter how long you have left, whether it's 6 months or 6 weeks, whatever time is left after R&R drags on...
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