Sunday, March 28, 2010

Week 2

Not much has happened in the last week. Joe was training for half of it and couldnt call. But he was able to get online for a few minutes last night and called again this morning. Rigel got a hair cut. He looks very handsome. And I reached 70 followers on my blog!! Hello out there!!

I met a new friend. I know some people think Twitter is just stupid. But I have met so many awesome people through that site. I have physically met two friends in the last 4 months. There used to be this sigma about meeting people online. Everyone in chat rooms HAD TO BE stalkers or murderers. Oddly enough, I met my prom date online 10 years ago. He was a very nice young man and became a good friend in college.

And I'm meeting more new people today! A Facebook group of Ft. Carson Army wives decided that we should all meet. We're going to a park on post since it's so nice outside. Some wives are bringing their young children. Of course, I'm bringing Rigel. My friend Ashley is coming along with her two chihuahuas.

Week 2 has been interesting on an emotional level. I find myself being angry again. Angry that we've only been doing this for 2 weeks, yet it feels much longer. Angry that I can only talk to Joe for 10 minutes every other day. Angry that mail is so slow. Angry that we STILL dont have an APO address!! Ugh!!

But in a strange way, my days are marked with very overwheling swells of pride. Pride for my husband. Pride for myself. Pride for the other wives dealing with the same thing. Pride..... that I am part of something bigger than myself. It's a very foreign thought each time it sweeps over me. I'm not that girl that is boastful about Joe's Army career. He's a soldier... yeah, okay, fine. But lately, it's been much bigger than that. My husband is a Soldier in the United States Army. He is most definitely part of something much bigger than himself. There is a very cynical liberal yelling from inside me everyday. But there is a part of that thought that gets trampled by the pride I feel for him. The pride that I feel when I realize just exactly what he signed up for; the strength these men need to walk away from their families; the bravery they need to complete the task at hand; the sense of purpose they need to do it every day.

I've always been proud of Joe for the man he's chosen to be. But I'm ashamed that it's taken me two weeks of a deployment to understand the commitment he has to the Army.

8 comments:

Kayla said...

Every time I get angry about being apart, I remember something BF told me. He said it would be like always practicing basketball for the big game, but then never getting to play if he didn't deploy. I guess that makes sense, and it ties in perfectly with what you said. I definitely have been feeling the same pride on and off this week... in between the other stuff lol.

Julie the Army Wife said...

So great you are able to meet some new friends :)

I totally understand that sense of pride. Our men are something special :)

Sara said...

Yep, Joe gives me that same analogy. "This is what I'm trained to do. I'm ready. I'm prepared." Oh please!! LOL! I just dont understand how someone can be prepared to go to war.. but then again, I'm not trained to do it. He says it's like going to school to be a psychologist and then having to settle for working at Wal-Mart (oh boy does he know what buttons to push!!).

Renee said...

Sara,

Thank you for sharing your 'after' deployment feelings! I'll be in your shoes in a couple of weeks (note, I said "couple" not 'few'.
I am glad you are making friends in your area!
Take care!

Rachel said...

I'm glad that you are writing about your "after" feelings as well. I'm up...then I'm down, then I'm convinced I can do this then I fall apart wondering how the HELL am I going to make it. I can't wait to be able to actually hear him, I've gotten one email that led to about 40 minutes on Yahoo messenger. Does it make it hard to hear Joe now that he's gone? Should I be prepared to start the "mourning" (thats what it feels like) process all over again? I hope you abd Rigel have a fun meeting!

Sara said...

Rachel, I've only been able to talk to him once online over Yahoo! IM. And I must say, talking to him on the phone, hearing his voice is much better. But at the same time, it's hard because it does make me miss him more. But literally every phone call is different. Sometimes I get off the phone and I'm so happy he sounds good and he's having a good day and it makes me feel better. But other days, I get off the phone and I just want to crawl back in bed. It hits me all over again and I'm mad that he's so far away. This week the thing that seems to piss me off the most is that he can contact me, but I cont contact him. I leave him IMs and emails for him to check later on. But if I really needed him for something, I would have to wait until he called me or had a minute to check his email. I'm hoping this has a solution sooner or later. Even when Joe was in Germany, he had a local cell phone, pay by the minute kind of a thing. I could text him (even though it was quite pricy) and even call him through a phone card.

Army Duck said...

You are doing a great job. Thanks for sharing your feelings because I'm sure it is something all of us will have to or have been through at some point or another. Keep hanging in there and enjoy your meetup

Dawna said...

Oh, wow! I didn't realize this until this moment... My hubby only left about a week after yours. It's been a week today for us. Hang in there, Sara! I'm right with ya!