Sunday, April 11, 2010

Surreal

The theme for this year: What we Military Spouses do is NOT normal!!

I know my friends on Twitter have heard me say that a few times. But sitting in the movie theater today, it hit me again. What we do is so surreal.

My husband is deployed. And I say that, type that, still almost in disbelief. He's been in Kuwait for a while now. I havent had to worry about him. But that will all change shortly. So while I am enjoying my Sunday with friends laughing at a children's movie (that was very good, by the way) my husband is in the desert, preparing for a war zone.

Do I feel guilty? Should I feel guilty? Should I stay in my house and mope all the time? I start to feel really bad about sounding happy when he calls. Playing with the dog. Telling him about meeting new friends for coffee. Jokes with old friends. Sleeping in our bed. Not having sand in my eyes. I'm fairly certain I've posted a "should I feel guilty blog" already. And of course I shouldnt feel guilty, and of course... I do sometimes.

I just find it extremely bizzare and amazingly surreal that while I am sitting in a dark movie theater on a bright sunny Sunday, my husband is deployed (once again, typed in disbelief). Most people dont have this thought. My mother never had to have this thought about my father. This whole life is still so foreign to me, especially this new deployment chapter. I have new thoughts about being an Army wife daily. And I know they arent new to many Army wives, just new to me.

6 comments:

Expat Girl said...

I feel the same way, I know my husband is happy when I pass my time but I feel bad doing too much when he is stuck working in a war zone 24/7. I don't want to feel guilty about having fun but I can't help it- this is a very surreal life

Joannafesto said...

Hi. Army Spouse here. A while back I blogged about not knowing where my husband lived while trying to fill out the census form. Army life can be VERY surreal. I don't live near other military spouses right now, so it is really strange. The termite guy asked if I would be going to Afghanistan with my husband. Hello? War Zone? Try NOT to feel guilty, because they are away too much to make your life stop because they are in a combat zone.

Alison said...

The first time my husband deployed I would feel so guilty telling him my weekend plans or about going home for Christmas. I expressed this to him and he said what I tell him and the facebook pictures I post or send him make him feel closer to home. I'm like you - I still feel guilty but it is nice to know that those kinds of things help instead of hurt him! I'll be thinking of you in the upcoming weeks as your husband moves locations!

Chantal said...

I understand completely about the guilt. I feel bad that for Christmas I'm going back to where we're from and he'll be stuck in the desert. I feel bad about being happy when he's not. But I guess I can't stop my entire life and sit at home until he gets back, huh?

Dawna said...

I understand, too, Sara, as I'm sure all military spouses do...

I'm filling my life and the lives of my children with as much activity as I am able this year. It's a year in our lives that, if we sit around and mope, it is lost to us. Dh wouldn't want that... Don't want to clog up your blog with a really long response, so I'll muse in my blog about it. I'm right there with you!

*HUGS*

wifeofasailor.com said...

I feel the exact same way!