Joe's orders were cut today. We now know what company he's going to. And if my research is correct, he'll be deploying in only a few months. A thought whacked me in the head earlier today. If something happens to Joe, I will be notified. It makes sense. I'm his wife. His next of kin. I would want it that way, right? I would want to know as soon as they could release that information. Right? Do they call me? Do some soldiers in Class As come to my house? How do I get this horrible information? Is it just a phone call? Could I be in the middle of Wal-Mart and get that life changing phone call? As an Army wife I guess I need to be mentally able to hear that news. It's still an odd thought. I'm only 25. There are certain things I'm not sure I can handle as a person, let alone as a wife. But maybe it's not a situation anyone can handle so I should just lay off the anxiety and just take it day by day.
I digress. My main concern at this point is... how do I tell everyone else? Who do I call first? Or more probable, who do I text message first, because I will be unable to speak due to the uncontrollable sobbing. I will have this info that no one else wants to hear. I will ruin their days, weeks, months. I will shake up the world for so many people. It will never be the same. What do I do with this information? My mother suggested I call my father so he could tell her and then she could comfort me. But my side of the family is easy. My parents will be sad. My brother will drive out to get me. But they will be here for me as much and as fast as they can (depending on where I'm living of course).
But how do I tell his mother? How do I call her up and tell her that her only son was killed in the line of duty? If I'm in town, I will go to her house. But what if I'm not? What if I decide to stay in Colorado Springs?
So the plan I have come up with (I'm a massive planner if you haven't noticed) is that I will call my brother in law. He and my sister in law are local. They live up the road from my mother in law. I can tell him about Joe. Then he can go be with his wife to console her when she hears the news (she is Joe's sister). And then the two of them can go tell my mother in law. She will need someone there with her when she hears the news. I could never just call her up and break the news. I just couldn't.
But now I feel guilty. Should I be the one to break the news? It feels like hot potato to me. I have to pass the news on as fast as I can. And once I tell my brother in law I can let go of the responsibility of telling my mother in law. Is that just an awful thing to say and think? Am I being amazingly selfish? I would talk to her afterwards, but I feel the need to make sure someone else is there with her. I'm trying to be as smart about this as possible. And once I have a plan, I can push it out of my mind and know that that situation is taken care of.
Comments? Concerns? Any ideas whatsoever?