I had a great day with Joe yesterday. He took me to see The Lovely Bones, a fairly sappy movie. But he knew how much I wanted to see it and he sat through it like a champ. Then we went to The Macaroni Grill with our friend Ed and his wife. During dinner we all decided to go see The Book of Eli. While watching the previews before The Book of Eli, a preview came on that opens the DAY Joe is supposed to deploy. He gives me this look. "I wanted to see that movie." And it hit me all at once. I'm going to be here, in Colorado, while Joe is flying to Iraq. Isnt this just a surreal thought? Why on Earth do we sign up for this? I was watching previews for movies that I will be able to watch in the following year... without Joe. Most people dont have to have this thought. I've been an Army wife for almost 3 years now, and I've never had this thought before. We've had too many deployment "scares" to even count, but this time is so different. He's leaving. It's a fact. And I have to figure out a way to deal with this and deal with a life alone for a year without my husband.
I think I had a rough idea of what I would think, what I would feel. I used to imagine what it would be like to watch Joe leave one day and not come home for 12 months. I think all Army wives try to imagine what it will be like. But this isnt pretend anymore. Watching those previews yesterday just kinda brought it all home for me.
But there will come a time, not so long from now, where I will watch a preview before a really sappy girlie movie and think to myself, 'by the time that comes out, my husband will be home.'