Goodbye Squared...

I had so many titles for this blog.

800 Little Memories

Do I move his shoes this time?

Not Again

What a Tease!

I posted another blog by the same name a while back, goodbye squared?, so I finally settled on this one. But today I had mine. No more pondering. I had to live it. Fun times. (sarcasm!)

I was fine until two days before. Joe made a comment about missing his family. And yes, a few tears appeared. And then Friday was pretty tough. I had to fight the tears every time he hugged me. Every time he told me he loved me. We had to get his hair cut and wash all of his clothes. And he would give me this lip and declare that he didn't want to go back to Iraq.

This morning wasn't any better. But how composed can someone be at 3am dreading the drive to the airport? But once we were in the car, everything seemed to be so clear.

We're halfway done.

There isn't the horrible unknown weighing over this goodbye. I know where Joe will be. I know he has wireless internet. I know he's in very little actual danger. He's even moving from the tiny tent to a real(?) Chu with walls and a door and a lock and controllable air conditioning. Doesn't sound bad at all, not compared to where we were only 6 months ago. We were told there wouldn't be running water, let alone internet. So.. all in all, what do I have to be upset about (besides the mortars, of course)? And those words came back to me, that Joe didn't want to see me cry the last time he saw me. So I sucked it up. And I wasn't red and puffy when I smiled at Joe one last time (for literally less than 6 months) and kissed him as he picked up his bag and walked away.

So was today worse than D-day 6 months ago? NOT AT ALL!!! I can totally see how some would think so. We weren't in a huge crowd where you don't want to cry, I had to drive him to the airport at 4am alone and then drive home in the dark --where I did cry a little, until my contact fell out of my eye and I had to pull over and put it back in. Then I decided that I needed to suck it up and get home alive.

And since the boy is pretty darn bright, I have already gotten a call from him while he's waiting for his next connection. :)

So while everyone will tell you that the second goodbye is worse, I'm gonna tell you it's not. But in my opinion, nothing could be more horrible than that first goodbye.