Week 10

Day 71

Look at that! Week 10. DOUBLE DIGITS!! Woot Woot!!

R&R dates? Yes please!! Close, but no cigar. But I have a nice big window to work with.

And 100 blog followers!! YAY!!

Not too much has happened. I started and finished training at work. I may have even hooked Lucy up with a job, fingers crossed! One can only bang their head against a wall for so long before it's just time to walk away. I hope Lucy has the courage to walk away from that wall. Change is hard, but I really think this is for the best. Lucy is the kindest, sweetest person I know. And by far the hardest worker in that group. And she deserves to be treated better.

I had a great weekend watching sappy movies and hanging out with Rigel. And my parents are planning a visit in July, maybe over my and Joe's anniversary and Joe's birthday. It would be nice to have family close during that week.

What a lame blog. Call me boring, but I like an uneventful week.

goodbye squared?

Lucy, if you still read this silly little blog, this one's for you. I want others to share their experiences and advice just as you did.

My VERY GOOD friend Lucy just said goodbye to her husband again. He just went back to Iraq from R&R. And she's dealing with it. She confessed to me that this goodbye was harder than his initial deployment. And suggested that Joe take his R&R as close to his re-deployment as possible. It makes sense to me; I can see the reasons why this would make a lot of sense. But then again, having it in the middle makes sense to me too. But what do I know, this is my first deployment.

So all my ladies that have been through this goodbye^2, please let me know what your opinions are and what I should do about our R&R.

Congrats Lucy!!

While talking to Lucy* yesterday we discovered that Ricky* has been deployed for exactly three months. I just want to give her a huge CONGRATULATIONS for surviving! Woohoo!!

She doesnt have a blog. I always tell her she's got far more important stuff to say than I do. But she does read mine and comment occasionally.

Hi Lucy!



*names have been changed to protect their identity... LOL! And it's so cute!!!

Operation COURAGE (from Vino in Vo)

From Vino in Vo by Christy Krueger

C - Concentrate on the things you can change, not on things you cannot.

O - Open up to your spouse and the social support groups near you- FRG, peers.

U - Uphold a positive attitude- even if you have to fake it sometimes.

R - Retain family routines- eat at the dinner table, keep your son's football practices.

A - Activate yourself- exercise, travel, keep your mind busy.

G - Grow- develop, strive, and continue individual and family goals.

E - Examine the rumor mills. They are probably incorrect.

An excerpt from Vino in Vo about COURAGE: "COURAGE is the operational blueprint in surviving the deployment blues.... Read them. Live by them. And when you're in an emotional black hole, read them again and live by them once more. While our men fight the war over there, we must win the battles here. ... Keep your chins raised high, and go be an Army wife."

I think certain things happen to you when you need them the most. I was going through a weird time when this book fell in my lap (Thanks Shannon!). Reading it took me a while, but only because I needed to soak in the words and apply them to my life. It's about three Army wives living in Italy while their husbands are deployed to Operation Iraqi Freedom. Three completely different women. Three completely different personalities. Three completely different histories. And how they make it work without their man.

I want to give the book to Lucy. But then again, I don't. It's not a happy book. It's sad and sticky. I spent the whole time waiting for someone to die. Debating which husband was okay to spare in the story. And I cried. A lot. But I needed to cry. Does that make any sense? At that time in my life, I needed to cry about these things. I needed to cry about the idea of losing my husband, in a metaphorical sense. Is it odd that a chapter in a book shaped the ideas and outcomes of the next two weeks of my life? It did. It's an amazing book. Speaks volumes about the ways women cope with the world, not just Army wives, but all women. Speaks volumes about the importance of friends and support systems. I've never had a lot of friends, one or two close people sometimes, mostly men, oddly enough. But now, I have the best friends in the world. I have a group of women that I know I can go to when I need a little hug. And it's amazing. I joke about "Army wives clubs" and secret handshakes, but these women will be my best friends forever. No matter where they move or what they're doing. Are we in a secret club? No. No secret handshake. But there's a look. A look that we all know. It's sympathy and empathy and a constant invitation for dinner or coffee all rolled up into one simple glance. It's being able to pick up the phone when you haven't spoken to her in weeks and start the conversation right were it ended. It's knowing that right now matters, because your life can change with every breath you take.

The COURAGE thing is oddly simple in my opinion. I think it takes far more than that to get through a year without your husband. The courage that Army wives (or girl friends and fiances) hold is so much more than that. But I thought I would post it. I know a few people out there that are floundering, that need a little push in the right direction. This book was my push. I hope you find yours.

Can you hear me now?

I had an odd thought this morning after listening to yet another one of friends complain about not hearing from her husband yesterday. Why are so many of my friends complaining that they don't hear from their soldiers everyday. EVERYDAY!?!?!? These people are in a fucking war zone in the middle of a fucking desert and you're complaining that they don't have constant cell phone service or instant internet access. You've got to be joking, right? I know that you miss them with every fiber of your being, but lets be realistic here.

We are a generation of instant gratification and its gonna get us in trouble.

Only a few decades ago military wives had to wait weeks, months, for a letter from their husbands. We seriously need to get over ourselves and stop demanding this from our loved ones. They don't need that additional pressure from us. They cant control the rolling blackouts and cell phone reception. Don't you think they are calling as much as they can? Can't we just be happy with the fact that we heard from them YESTERDAY and not complain about them not being on the internet today? So many soldiers have access to internet, skype, instant messaging, web cams, cell phones, myspace, and facebook. Soldiers and their families are SO LUCKY that the world is so small now compared to only 20 years ago.

Lucy informed me today that even 26 years ago when her father was deployed, her mother got ONE 3 MINUTE phone call a month and had to wait for hand written letters. I just cant imagine some of my friends "making it through" without the perpetual calls, emails, text messages and IMs.

But I know that not all soldiers and their families are as lucky as others and they dont hear from them twice a day. But it's still more than my grandmother heard from my grandfather in Vietnam. It must have been excruciatingly painful to watch your husband walk away and not know when you would hear from them again. And today, that same soldier husband can call home when he makes it to his connecting flight in Germany and Kuwait.

Yes, I understand that my husband has never been deployed and I'm sure I cant even imagine the hardship you're going through. Except that Joe was in Germany for two years. And there were times he couldn't call me for weeks because the PX ran out of phone cards because they were sending them all downrange. Did I spaz out? Of course not. It didnt mean he didnt love me any less. That's just the way the Army is sometimes. And yes, I was glued to my cell phone for months because I didnt want to miss a call, maybe the only call I would get that week. But I certainly didnt complain to everyone around me that Joe didnt call me that particular day. Because I knew he would be able to call eventually. Just like deployed Soldiers are today.

Now, I know someone will jump all over me saying that they like to hear from their husband or boyfriend EVERYDAY so they can know he is okay. And I completely understand that. How dare I complain about them wanting to hear from their loved one??? That's not the point I'm trying to make at all. Yes, your husband is in a war zone. And you are very concerned. But he's there only because he volunteered for it. He signed that paper. And you signed up for this Army wife life.

But it dawned on me today just how lucky we really are as Army wives in 2009, not 1979, 1959, or even 1939. Think about it. The hardship is still there, no one can deny that. But some parts are far easier.

I guess my point is, just please don't take it for granted.

For Lucy

The blog that follows was written weeks ago and saved to a draft. I don't know why I didn't post it. It didn't feel right. I didn't feel like I could expose that much of myself or Lucy on a public forum like this. It was too much. Too fast. Too soon. But I have come to realize that Lucy is far stronger than I have given her credit for. Sadly, I know far too many people with loved ones deployed right now. And Lucy is holding her own. She's making her new life work and not letting some dumb deployment change her. She might have a few tears in her eyes, but she's still Lucy. She didn't move from her house. And she's never lived alone before. She didn't quit her job to wait around at home. So as brave and courageous as her husband is for risking it all for a pay check, she is just as brave and courageous to live a life for a year without this man that she's risked it all for. She doesn't complain. She doesn't live her life with a cell phone glued to her hip (even though I do that now and Joe's 13 minutes away from me most days). When Joe was in Germany, I took a shower with my phone in a plastic baggy so I wouldn't miss a call or text. I was young. And not realistic at all. Lucy is. Lucy knows that 'Ricky' loves her more than anything on this Earth and will do his best to call her when he can. And if he doesn't, he's just busy. She doesn't jump to wild conclusions like a lot of the people I know. She might think them in her head. But she doesn't act frantic about it. If she did, we would all jump up to comfort her. So maybe she just doesn't want 9 paras hugging and bothering her constantly.

Lucy said something to me in passing the other day. "I was supposed to live upstairs with you and Rigel." And that feeling of guilt that I've been trying to hide came rushing back. She was. She was supposed to live with us. And I wish I could do more. I'm not a very good friend. I don't know the right thing to say or do. Especially in this situation. I'm here. And if I ever thought Lucy really needed someone, I would be there. But as far as I can tell, she's handling this better than all of the others.


So here it is, For Lucy.

I have a friend I've been thinking about a lot lately. We'll call her Lucy (an alias I think is fairly fitting). Her husband is deploying soon... this month... in a matter of days. I watch this stuff on TV and I think about her. I look at my husband and I think about her. I hear footsteps upstairs and I think about her. I watch my husband sleep and I think about her.

I think it's guilt. I know it's guilt.

My husband was supposed to deploy this July as well. But his deployment was canceled right after it was issued. But Lucy's husband's wasn't. And it's not fair. We were going to live together and support one another.

I feel this relief when I think about Joe's canceled deployment and the situation I could be in right now. I could be counting down the days, the hours, the kisses, the hugs, the dinners at home, the footsteps upstairs...

But I feel so guilty that I'm not in that situation with Lucy. It's a bittersweet feeling. Joe wanted to be deployed. He feels like he's ready and wants to take that risk. And yet he's here when there are men deploying with families that need them here at home, that don't really want to deploy right now.

So here it is Lucy. If you ever need ANYTHING, I'll be there for you. I'm a great cryer. And Rigel loves the warm salty tears. I cry laying in the floor. He licks all of the tears off my face with his hot little dog tongue. I think it helps.

And I think you need to start a blog. You have far more to say than I ever will. Even the bird of useless knowledge has a blog. :^)

Have a good day Lucy.

Army Wives (The Show)

So I know we all tuned in last night because Denise and Frank were getting a divorce. So sad. But honestly, it's just about the most realistic thing I've seen on this tv show. And then the ladies get together and do the whole "We're not going to let you leave" thing, like they really have a choice. So I've been married to my husband for two years this month (July 13th baby!!) and lived with him at a duty station (off psot though) for a year and a half. And in that time, I have lost 3 REALLY good friends. LOL, okay, maybe lost is a bad word. They have moved on as people in the military often do.

One friend was my neighbor. She was truely my best friend up here when I needed someone to hang on to. We came together in a time of crisis in Kansas (it's called a TORNADO!! LOL!) and became fast friends. She moved away because her hubby deployed and she was pregnant and needed to be near family. I completely understand why she needed to move home, but I still really miss her. There is a void in the neighborhood since she and her hubby have left.

Another friend became a statistic... she and her soldier hubby got a divorce after getting married because she got pregnant. They werent together for too long, only about 3 years. She got a divorce and moved home. It was bittersweet because she REALLY needed to get herself and her baby out of that situation (!!!) but I'd known her for just about forever. We even went to high school together and just kinda ended up at the same duty station (what are the odds?). I miss her dearly.

And my other friend and avid yorkie lover PCSed with her hubby. Nothing surprising there. It happens. It's really sad though. Rigel and I already miss our "puppy dates" with her and Gizmo and Brody. We met at work/school. She moved at the end of the school year and next year isnt going to be the same without her. She was really nice and personable and reached out to the new girl... me.

And we were all getting ready for a REALLY good friend to move home when her husband deployed. We all understood and would have supported any decision she made. But due to logistics, she kinda has to stay here. And I'm super excited!! (Sorry Lucy, I am!!) I know how lucky I am to be keeping such a GREAT friend in this life was have all signed up for. We all have make commitments to her to support her though the deployment (her first, her husband's first too). But that's what friends are for. And we will do whatever she needs us to do. I can promise you that.

So yeah, back to my point, even though we will miss Denise's character (and I'm still hoping that Frank realizes he loves and wants her to stay despite her stupid mistakes, but that's a different blog) this is what really happens in the Army. And I sometimes wonder just how long they can keep the same characters in the show due to this fact. Roxy especially. Trevor is a SPC that will PCS in a few years. But I guess Michael Holden can keep him there. All they have to say is that his company is fenced in and it will solve all the PCSing problems. But what about Chase Moran? How often do Special Forces PCS? I have no idea really.

Isnt it lovely how I talk about these people like they're real?!? LOL! I just love this show! I really do. It's cute and usually really funny. But not all that realistic. But the moving thing... I've kinda been waiting to see how they deal with PCSs and changing the cast of characters.

**Names have been changed for your protection.. and because I like giving people aliases!! So I'd like to give a shout out to "Lucy"!! We love ya and are REALLY glad you arent going home! If you EVER need ANYTHING, you know you can call us.**