Before & After

I guess I will never really know just how much a deployment changes things.

Before Joe's deployment, a separation was just a separation. 30 days in the field. 3 months in Fort Leonard Wood. Hell, the 6 months we were apart after we got married and Joe had to go back to Germany. Just time apart. It sucked, but it was easy.

And now, after a year long deployment, time apart isn't easy. At least not for me. Joe has to go to ALC in Fort Leonard Wood for two months. Watching him pack brings back horrible memories. Saying good bye brought me right back to March 2010.

I'm giving myself good pep talks - 60 days is NOTHING! Really, after 365, it's a walk in the park. And here I am feeling so bad for myself when some of you are in the deployment for the long haul. I was always one of those people that would roll my eyes at the wife that couldn't be apart from her husband for 2 weeks. How could they be so dependent on one another? How could you not sleep when he's gone? At least this has hit me now, and not during the deployment.

The deployment definitely shown us just how much we need each other though. I'm going to take this as a good thing and run with it. Maybe it's not such a bad thing I love my husband so much I want to be around him all the time, right?

But for now, I'm going to dig out my "living alone" perk list and eat spaghetti every night and not have to watch Swamp People marathons.

And for those of you reading this who are rolling your eyes at me, wishing your husbands could be only 850 miles away with a cell phone, I truly to apologize. My heart goes out to you. It's not easy. What we do isn't normal. I hope your husbands come home soon, safe.

End of the Customs Form Era

We have some pretty awesome neighbors here now. We had a neighbor deploy to Afghanistan a few weeks ago. He just called our other friend with an update and an address. This other friend isn't Military. He just came over with this APO address, told me it was gibberish, and asked for help. Finally my deployment knowledge comes in handy!

I grabbed my stack of customs forms and started to organize how the APO address is written out. I gave our neighbor the rest of the customs forms and the 4 extra flat rate boxes I had left when Joe came home. He was so impressed with my knowledge of care packages. And was super surprised that I used to send Joe toilet paper and wet wipes. As much as my friend cares about his Soldier buddy, he has no idea what our brave service members go though. I told him just a little bit of what I used to send Joe and he was blown away. I offered to help him pack the first couple of boxes so he could get the hang of what the guys needed and what isn't allowed (like aerosol cans).

But the awesome big news is that I dont have any customs forms in my house any more!! Hopefully the deployment phase of our life is completely over!!

Here one day. Gone the next.

I'm writing this post the day two of my neighbors left for the sandbox. I'm going to wait a few days to post it though just so I can follow OPSEC.

I spend a good portion of last night thinking about the night before Joe left. Holding his hand, his arm. Watching him pack. Getting one more hug. Watching him sleep in our bed one last night. All of these feelings are coming back with two of our friends leaving today. Joe and I went to a baseball game today, a Military Appriciation game where Joe got in free. We're cheering on our team and eating dippin dots. And all the while, in the back of my mind, I keep thinking that today is the "D-day" for many people we know and care about. I look around me. Everyone is happy and cheering. Little do they know there are family members only an hour away saying good bye to their loved ones and sending them to Afghanistan for a year.

We have civilian neighbors from New Orleans who have never lived this close to an Army town. They obviously don't live with a Soldier, hearing about the training and having the looming D-day countdown. They perceive the absence in a much more spontanious way, here one day, gone the next. They have told me numerious times they dont know what to say to the friends leaving. What do you say to the pregnant spouse who drives home after dropping her Soldier husband off on post? I have told them there arent words. There isn't an easy script for these moments. A hug can help. And of course opening that relish jar when they cant ask their husband to do it (my neighbor Paul opened lots of jars for me while Joe was gone, damn that relish jar!!). Even having gone through it all once myself, I can't find the words to say. A sympathetic smile and a knowing look is all I have. And a nod from the pregnant spouse says it all. There arent words.

I woke up on this Memorial Day weekend with a funfilled day planned with my husband. I am one of the lucky ones -- my husband deployed and came back okay. I rolled over and hugged Joe knowing that this wouldn't be the last time for a year that I would be able to do that. I had to hold back tears. This Army life is so hard sometimes. You hope for the best, for everyone. And you relish the happy moments you get with your spouse, knowing they are fleeting and he could be here one day and gone the next.

Clowns to the left of me, Bigots to the right.

I have to share a story with you all. As many of you know, I work in a computer lab on an Army post. I had a strange experience today.

One gentleman was having problems attaching a document to an email. Nothing was wrong with the document or the email. Completely operator error. Without asking me for help (as I later solved his problem with 3 clicks of the mouse) he goes into this tirade about how a Muslim must have created the email program (that would be Microsoft Outlook by the way) and they do shit like this to piss him off. This took me completely off guard and blurted out "Excuse me?" Him blaming his stupidity on a different religion just blew me away!

Joe says I don't understand because I'm not a Soldier, I've never been to war. Maybe that's true. But I have my own very strong opinions about this war and the people we have invaded.

But this guy wasn't in Iraq. He was being a dumbass in the middle of a computer lab in the middle of Colorado.

This kind of bigotry PISSES ME OFF!! Just like with the ultra moron himself, Terry Jones. How do you get off assuming a Muslim is out to get YOU personally, on a Friday, through an email program?? Some people just amaze me. The stupidity amazes me.

Awesomely busy :)

Forgive me for the small bloggy hiatus. Life has been awesomely busy. Joe came home, school started again, work is still a mess.

Joe and are I doing fine. Joe has been told that there is a honeymoon period, reintegration (aka the annoyance period), and then we find a "new norm." I think we're doing better than expected though. There have been times where either of us could have been seriously annoyed and had a fight, but instead we talk about it, cleaning, money, laundry, cars, money, time off, school demands, money, etc. We have decided that the deployment was a blessing in disguise. I know some people have a hard time readjusting and may even have some form of PTSD, but I think Joe and I have both grown in a positive direction in the last year. And yes, he's fine. There is a PTSD blog in the works actually. For some reason, some people think ALL Soldiers come home with problems. It's annoying. And completely false. The week after Joe got home, people would ask in a quiet voice... "Is he... okay?" Yeah, 1. Joe is fine and 2. If my husband did have PTSD, I'm sure as hell not going to talk to YOU about it. It's a personal family issue that needs to be dealt with in a private way. It is not something I personally think people should be broadcasting for everyone and their little brother to know about. If/When the Soldier wants to talk about it, that's his/her decision.

Joe is having his reintegration training stuff. We laugh about a lot of it. As a wanna be psychologist, half of it strikes me as worthless and a waste of time. They had breathing/relaxation exercises yesterday. Really people. I husband doesn't care about breathing exercises. And then the domestic abuse briefs are laughable. I know they are for some people. But there's no way in hell Joe's going to hit me. I didn't marry a man that would hit me, period. But still it's fun to talk about the stuff, it makes us laugh and joke around with some of it. Like they told him to kiss me for 20 seconds. Not make out for 20 seconds, just kiss for 20 seconds. And that he has to ask me before we have sex. "Sara, may I touch your butt?" I'm sure it's more in depth than all that, but it's being interpreted by my snarky husband. And it has gotten us talking about stuff, so maybe it's done it's job a little bit. Some of it I'm sure is for single Soldiers, not people that have been married for 4+ years.

Thanks for everyone's excitement when Joe came home. I have no idea what to blog about anymore though. There's no more countdown to keep track of. I'm sure I will come up with something. I hope to do some more blog giveaways!! And life keeps chugging along.

1st Amendment

I have to say something. It's probably going to piss a lot of you off. But this is my blog. And I can say what I want, because of the 1st amendment. You can read it or not, up to you.

It's about the ruling upholding the 1st amendment. And also allowing the monstrosity that is Westboro Baptist Church to protest military funerals. While I think what they are doing is the absolute cruelest thing they could possibly do to a military family while they are grieving the loss of their loved one, what they are doing isn't illegal. It's disgusting and a compete travesty. But not against the laws of this country. And I can honestly say, I'm fairly content with the 1st amendment being upheld yesterday.

A quote from the Huffington Post: "The ruling, though, was in line with many earlier court decisions that said the First Amendment exists to protect robust debate on public issues and free expression, no matter how distasteful."

If the government was allowed to stop these people from protesting, it would create the groundwork for the government to make all protests illegal. And that I cant stand for. Many believe that our service members are fighting for our rights anyway, and in a sick turn of events, these people are exploiting their battle. They have the right to protest because of the wars we waged to claim those rights.

Many people I know start talking about hurting or killing the members of the Westboro Baptist Church. Well, that IS illegal. And as mad as I would be at that kind of demonstration at a funeral of my loved one, I would never do anything illegal towards them. What would that prove? So my thought? The media needs to completely boycott ANYTHING dealing with them. No pictures, no articles, no news story at nine. They need to be completely ignored. Perhaps we give them power by talking about them.

OR we need to throw it back in their faces. I would round up all the people I could and call the media, and go stand in front of the church members and allow the media to film these animals chanting that filth to the military family left behind and all the people that loved that particular person. We wouldn't talk. We wouldn't fight. We wouldn't cry. We would just stand there. And let Westboro Baptist Church have their minute in the spotlight, telling the children of a fallen service member that their father died because of a gay person in America. Because my children would know they are a bunch of lunatics. And dad was a great man, who fought for the rights of our country, even when they are exploited by sick fucks such as the members of the Westboro Baptist Church. Just so others could see that they don't mean shit to us, protest, whatever. It doesn't diminish the fight of our Soldiers. It doesn't mean that homosexuality is evil. It just means that there happens to be **another** group of religious nut jobs screaming at the top of their lungs. Tomorrow there will be a different one. They never go away.

Although, I was so excited about that computer hacker group trying to get into their system, but I don't know if it was actually true or just a publicity stunt. I wish someone would get to them from the inside out and collapse the whole thing. But we have to do it legally, or they have won.

While I'm obviously not thrilled what they are doing to our military families, I think the government did us a great service yesterday by upholding the amendment. I saw on Twitter where a wife asked if any one actually liked the ruling. I needed to write this post in response to those kinds of people. I wish these sickos would stop. I wish there was something we could do to stop them, but squashing freedom of speech CERTAINLY isn't the right way to do that.

Army wives, Civilians, or both??

Something happened to me at work the other day that has stayed with me. I work on an Army post with Soldiers. We have one clipboard where all of the Soldiers need to sign in. Then we have a clipboard for civilians, which of course in the context of my job are usually spouses, a few teenages, and contractors on post. So when someone comes in normal clothes and doesn't look like an active duty service member, I ask them if they are active duty or civilian. And most people know the answer to this question.

But some... don't. Like the young lady I had in the room the other day.

Me: Are you active duty or civilian?

Her: My husband is active duty.

Me: But you aren't?

Her: No.

Me: Then can you please sign in on this civilian clipboard?

Her: But I'm not a civilian. My husband is a Soldier.

Me: Yes ma'am. But you aren't, correct?

Her: Whatever.

Really? You're going to cop an attitude because you have to sign a different clipboard? Unless you get up and put on a uniform everyday, YOU are a civilian, I dont care who you are married to. You dont go to the field. You dont deploy. You dont do PT every morning, even in the snow.

I think many of us "Army wives" have lost sight of this fact. Not even including wearing your husband's rank, we feel like we are not civilians. Even I have said, "I cant wait until the day that we can be civilians again." That day is about 720 days away actually. But I mean it in as a state of mind, no more chain of command, no more deployments, no more PCSing, no more strange worry about mortar attacks in Iraq. But I tell Soldiers everyday that I am a civilian. "No sir, I have no idea what that training is, I'm a civilian." I will never assume anything else, I am a civilian, because I'm certainly not active duty. I would never, could never, compare myself to a Soldier. I could never train like they do. I could never make it through BCT. I could NEVER deploy.

So if those are your choices, active duty or civilian, what would you pick?

My father is an Army brat, since the day he was born. His father was in the Army for 20 years. He used to say that he was in the Army. It's more of a joke, since he's far too old to say he was an Army brat. And his father used to give him the small metals for doing things, like shinning his black boots. My father even told my husband that he had a AAM for shinning boots. My grandmother says that she was in the Army too. She met her husband in Germany when he was stationed there and then started the Army journey for 20 years, dealing with multiple deployments to Vietnam and 17 PCSs in 20 years - no joke! They were stationed at Fort Riley (where we were for 2 years) for exactly 9 days. My dad and his brother went out to look for a lawn mower to borrow and come home to new PCS orders. And my grandmother will adamantly argue that she too was in the Army, and I just nod and smile. Maybe if I was an Army wife in the 60s, I would feel differently.

What we do isn't normal, I have said that for a year now. We are very unique. We live and breath Army life. We learn the lingo so we can understand our husbands. We move at the drop of a hat. We can make any house a home with just a few pictures and a Scentsy warmer. We sleep alone. And take our phones to the bathroom so we don't miss a call. We know to check the arms of uniforms for pens before washing them. This is our way of life. And perhaps we are kinda special. But we certainly aren't Soldiers.

R&R: Rest & Recharge

Awesome 2 weeks!! Awesome!! I needed to see my Joe. He needed a break. He REALLY needed a break. We managed to have a real vacation. And it was AWESOME! I tried to post pics daily on Facebook for our families.

I asked Joe what R&R stood for. He gave me some random answer and then told me it was really called "Mid-tour leave" so I decided our R&R would be called Rest and Recharge. And it was definitely a recharge for us both, and our relationship. It's kinda weird having a long distance marriage over Skype. Okay, who am I fooling, it's really weird to have a marriage over Skype. And our marriage needed this break.

Joe has the worst luck when traveling. I joke that if we ever go anywhere together I will leave first and then Joe can come rolling in later, after his flights are bumped or canceled, and his laptop is dropped by the drunk taxi driver. So once again, in true Joe fashion, he had a great flight schedule. PLUS he couldn't drink because he was in uniform. I picked him up in 2007 when he was PCSing from Germany to Kansas and I PRAYED that he was drunk most of the time so he wouldn't be pissed at the end of the day. And luckily, he was. But alas, Soldiers cant drink while they are on duty. And it was made perfectly clear that they were still on duty until they made it to Colorado Springs. So after being not so happy about the whole "last combat troops in Iraq" nonsense, turns out, they had priority on ALL on Joe's flights and he was bumped for basically a day while he was on his way here. His initial itinerary was just about too good to be true anyway. I should have known better. But I didn't anticipate the exodus of Iraq troops getting in the way.

Joe petting Lily the skunk at the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo

But as soon as he got here, the party started!! We went to the Colorado State Fair, the local zoo (Joe's fave), a Colorado Rockies baseball game with 2 of his good friends from Germany, the Royal Gorge lunch train (awesome!), and the Royal Gorge Bridge & Park. And we ATE! Joe has lost probably 20lbs in the last 6 months. He doesn't have it to loose! So I fed him well! We ate out a lot, hitting up all of the places Joe has been dreaming about. We have found some new favorites. And we even cooked at home some, and made some amazing dinners together. It was so much fun cooking with Joe again.

Joe and his beer on the Royal Gorge lunch train

It seems like I just picked him up at the airport. I will remember that moment until the day I die. I got up that morning and was excited, but not crazy or anything. I took a shower and actually pondered why I wasn't more excited about Joe's arrival. I put Rigel in his room and got in my car like normal. I pulled on to the main road and completely lost it. Out of nowhere! I didn't see those tears coming at all. My hands started shaking and I admit it, I started speeding a little bit. Parking at the airport was agony! But once I got into the airport I calmed down. I watched these two little boys ask where daddy was. We were in what we thought was the waiting area, chatting away. Her husband was from the same unit as Joe and also coming home on R&R. She suddenly got a phone call from her husband from the phone bank on the first floor. She grabbed her babies and ran to the escalators. So I stood up and started to walk behind her. But then I got this urge to turn around. And there he was. Walking all alone down the hallway. The girliest squeal escaped me as I ran past the 'Do Not Enter' sign and grabbed him. I will never forget how tight he hugged me.

Week 2

Not much has happened in the last week. Joe was training for half of it and couldnt call. But he was able to get online for a few minutes last night and called again this morning. Rigel got a hair cut. He looks very handsome. And I reached 70 followers on my blog!! Hello out there!!

I met a new friend. I know some people think Twitter is just stupid. But I have met so many awesome people through that site. I have physically met two friends in the last 4 months. There used to be this sigma about meeting people online. Everyone in chat rooms HAD TO BE stalkers or murderers. Oddly enough, I met my prom date online 10 years ago. He was a very nice young man and became a good friend in college.

And I'm meeting more new people today! A Facebook group of Ft. Carson Army wives decided that we should all meet. We're going to a park on post since it's so nice outside. Some wives are bringing their young children. Of course, I'm bringing Rigel. My friend Ashley is coming along with her two chihuahuas.

Week 2 has been interesting on an emotional level. I find myself being angry again. Angry that we've only been doing this for 2 weeks, yet it feels much longer. Angry that I can only talk to Joe for 10 minutes every other day. Angry that mail is so slow. Angry that we STILL dont have an APO address!! Ugh!!

But in a strange way, my days are marked with very overwheling swells of pride. Pride for my husband. Pride for myself. Pride for the other wives dealing with the same thing. Pride..... that I am part of something bigger than myself. It's a very foreign thought each time it sweeps over me. I'm not that girl that is boastful about Joe's Army career. He's a soldier... yeah, okay, fine. But lately, it's been much bigger than that. My husband is a Soldier in the United States Army. He is most definitely part of something much bigger than himself. There is a very cynical liberal yelling from inside me everyday. But there is a part of that thought that gets trampled by the pride I feel for him. The pride that I feel when I realize just exactly what he signed up for; the strength these men need to walk away from their families; the bravery they need to complete the task at hand; the sense of purpose they need to do it every day.

I've always been proud of Joe for the man he's chosen to be. But I'm ashamed that it's taken me two weeks of a deployment to understand the commitment he has to the Army.

Week 1

Wednesdays will never be the same.

So far so good though. One week down. It hasn't been as bad as I expected. I don't burst into tears like I thought I would. Cooking for one isn't has hard as I thought it would be. Driving his car to the store wasn't the agony I imagined.

And Rigel comes to bed now. I swear he cuddles more now than he did when Joe was here. I can't say Joe's name though. If I'm on the phone and I say "Joe" Rigel immediately perks up. He searches the house. Bedroom. Game room. Bathroom. Kitchen. Then he comes back and stares at me. How can something so small love someone so much? He misses his Joe so much. And there's no way for me to explain that he'll be back. That's the only thing that tears me up inside. But I couldn't do this without that little fuzz ball.

Joe has been able to call just about everyday. The calls are about 10 minutes long, depending on where he is and how many people are waiting for the phone he's on. He gets serious brownie points for calling so often. And letting me know when he'll be able to call again. I've been attached to my Blackberry for a week now. Joe said that he wouldn't be able to call again until Sunday. And there is a serious relief that I don't have to take my phone to the bathroom with me for 4 days. LMAO!!

Joe is trying his hardest to describe his surroundings to me (Men, listen to your wives and freaking take a camera with you!!). I've never been to any real desert, unless Arizona and Nevada count, but Joe assures me that Kuwait is nothing like that. He tries to describe the sand and the sun and the buildings. He bought some stuff at a bazaar and is sending a package home to me. He talks about camels and it hits me all over again where he is, what he's doing. He says it's a lot like being in the field for a long time. And complains that he cant take 30 minute showers. But he's sleeping okay because of the pool floaty we bought the day before he left. He says that everyone is jealous and the other guys have already phoned home to ask for one in their first care packages. Joe wants another one as a backup just in case.

We finally know when he'll be heading to Iraq. That's a whole new ballgame. Everything will change. I don't know when he'll be able to call. I don't know IF he'll be able to call as much. So many more unknowns. But we will know soon enough.

There is an FRG potluck this weekend. I RSVPed yes. I love meeting new people.

Still looking for a job. I have a few nibbles out there, but nothing serious yet.

We had a HUGE snow storm here last night. Definitely the most snow we have gotten since we moved here in December. I'm taking pics and video of the snow and the dog for Joe so he can see it when I send him the camera.

Just trying to stay busy.

And the support I've recieved from fellow military spouses, family, friends, and complete strangers has been greatly appriciated. People I barely know what to mail me coupons and help out with things Joe might need. People continue to surprise me.

Countdown

I got this new computer because Joe is taking his downrange with him. You can add "gadgets" to the desktop. I added a clock that will tell me what time it is where Joe is without me having to add it on my fingers. And a little weather bug sort of thing that tells me the 3-day forecast in a very cute little square. And a countdown. It's orange with white characters. I wanted to find one for the deployment year, but I found myself putting in his deployment date to test it out. I wanted to cry. It's such a short time! But I have decided that it's better to know than to guess (a motto I use throughout my life). So I'm gonna keep it up.

Joe on the other hand is trying to postpone the inevitable. He has asked me not to tell him the exact number of days he has left. It will be obvious enough soon enough. He said I didnt need to remind him that he had a limited time with the ones that mean the most to him.

On a happier note, I was looking at a calendar the other day, one that had all the months on the same page, and noticed that there were only 12 little bitty months in a year. I will hang that page up on my fridge and mark off those 12 little months as they pass. : )

You really never know what's just around the corner.

How did I get here? I've been asking myself that a lot lately. Not that I regret any of it. But it seems like all of a sudden, in a blink of an eye, I'm 26, married to a soldier, living in Colorado, talking about a deployment. Its just ridiculous to think about. I've loved Joe since I was 18 years old. But when we were in college together, there was NO way I would have ever thought we would be living in Colorado. I never would have thought he would be a soldier.

Do you think things happen for a reason? Do you think you have certain experiences so you can be prepared for something at a later date?

Joe said that he doesn't worry about me living alone. I'm not one of those girls that went from my daddy's house to my hubby's house. I lived alone while I was in college. Its not all that bad. Joe said he worries about me missing him. I guess that's a normal worry. The man I love is going to a war zone for a year. I'll miss him with ever fiber of my being. It will be hard to live without him. But I assume I will get used to it. Which I think will be even harder to live with.

"We've gotten lucky I haven't deployed yet. This has been borrowed time. My year deployed will be fine. And I will come back fine. And then you too will be a seasoned Army wife and know how to deal with a deployment. Sara, its not TWO YEARS in Germany. Dont think about me leaving, think about me coming home."

Even now I go through the motions of living in this house and wonder what it will feel like when he's gone. When his tan boots aren't by the door. When the video game peeps aren't in the background. When his dirty clothes arent piled up in our closet.

I think about the year apart. Cooking alone. Sleeping alone. Living alone. But lately, I've been thinking past that. I've been thinking about what will happen when he returns. Will things be the same? Will he be the same? Will I be the same? Will we do some of the same things, like cuddle on the couch? Will he touch me the same way? Will he look at me the same way? When I ask Joe, I get the best response: "I'll still be me." But I've been around long enough and have done my research on PTSD and other issues returning soldiers can have to know the answers to these questions (A blessing and a curse to have a psychology background in this case). Joe can pretend all he wants, but he's never been in a war before. He's never had to aim at another person. He's never had to take a life. It changes people. And it should! That's a very profound moment in someone's life. How you react to that action defines who you are as a person, who you are as a soldier. Joe knows me well enough to know what to say to me. He describes his job and how *safe* he will be. I still have a hard time wrapping my head around this one, but we'll see. He even got his spare gas mask out and showed me how it works. It was a cute little memory I will hold on to.

So here I am .. 26 years old. Living in Colorado. Preparing to live on my own for a year. With a loyal dog. And a loving husband. Looking for a good job. Dreaming of grad school. Thinking about myself at 20. You really never know what's just around the corner.

Army wife guilt?

Is this a normal thing?

Do you feel guilty?

That you get to stay home.

That you arent in danger.

That you arent miles from your home.

That you get to sleep in your bed.

That you arent at war.

How to practice OPSEC

Ehow.com has instructions on how to practice OPSEC. I think this is both useful and hilarious. Obviously useful, but funny in the sense that instructions for OPSEC are literally everywhere and people still don't know what they're doing. So this isn't for anyone in particular, just a reminder for me and my family since Joe is deploying soon.


http://www.ehow.com/how_2195820_practice-opsec.html?ref=fuel&utm_source=yahoo&utm_medium=ssp&utm_campaign=yssp_art

Instructions
Step 1
Learn who should practice OPSEC. Military members, their husbands or wives, their children, their parents and extended family members and their friends should learn to not give out information in venues that can be easily accessed by just about anyone. They have a responsibility to protect the information they have access to from falling into the wrong hands.

Step 2
Understand what information is considered sensitive and even critical to the military. Information about the exact location of soldiers, troop movement (deployments, returns, TDYs and R&R included) and dates, times and time frames should never be disclosed. Information about weapon systems, training and numbers are also sensitive pieces of information. Missions, exercises and changes in duty hours at specific bases are also to be considered sensitive information that can be put together to give a better picture of what may be taking place or soon to be taking place. (Sara Tip: If you don't know if it's sensitive material, just say no! Don't let anything slip. "Loose Lips Sink Ships!)

Step 3
Know that just because it appeared on the news does not make it okay to talk about it. This will only verify the information. So what, it appears on the base website. Military-run sites are highly monitored. In other words, they know who frequents the sites, but OPSEC must still be practiced regardless of where the information appears.

Step 4
Keep sensitive information out of websites, journal posts, message boards and any other online forum and venue. We are taught not to put out too much information about ourselves on the Internet because of the personal dangers this can present, so why would anyone think it was okay to put down specific information regarding times, dates, time frames, locations and more that would allow people they do not know to view the information and do whatever they wanted with it? That puts our troops in more danger. (Sara Tip: Most underestimate the power of our new "enemies." They are not living in caves and mud huts. This is 2010. They have more technology and access to the internet than someone in rural Arkansas with dial-up.)

Step 5
Stop using decorative tickers on websites and in online venues. Many family members of deployed military have taken to using countdown tickers that give out specific information as to when the troop will return or a time frame, which breeches OPSEC. For those that really feel the need to broadcast this type of information, it would be better to have a ticker that indicates the amount of time their soldier has been gone, although it would be better to refrain from this completely. (Sara Tip: No one says you cant have one, just don't broadcast it. I fully intend on having a calendar in my own home so I know the number of days we have left. But no one else has to know that number)

Step 6
Refrain from sending sensitive information via emails and instant messages. We are well aware that emails and instant messages are not secure venues and information sent can wind up in the wrong hands.

Step 7
Never advertise specific information about a soldier. This would include not putting out information regarding the soldier's name, rank and unit. In photos, learn to black out the soldiers name tape and rank.

Step 8
Practice OPSEC when using telephones and cellphones. It may sound funny, but you never know who can be listening, right?

Step 9
Do not discuss sensitive information out in public venues. Think about it, you and a friend are on line at the supermarket and talking about a son’s upcoming deployment and the person standing behind you overhears. You just put sensitive information out there which can potentially compromise a mission and create danger for our troops. Learn to think before you speak and refrain from sensitive information conversations in public. (Sara Tip: Of course we Army wives need to vent and gripe. But do it in private. Find someone you trust; family, close friends, fellow Army wives; and be battle buddies! Vent to each other, find comfort in their experience and support. Your military family can be very helpful and healthy in these difficult times. They understand more about your situation than most.)

So as many of you know, this is our first deployment. I'm trying to cover everything, but if any of you have any tips or suggestions, please feel free to share!

Sack Lunches

This was forwarded to me by my mother in law. I dont know if it's true. But it made me cry when I read it, and again when I copied it to this blog. I hope it's true. I hope there were young men that got off of a plane feeling the love and support of those around them.

I put my carry-on in the luggage compartment and sat down in my assigned seat. It was going to be a long flight. I'm glad I have a good book to read. Perhaps I will get a short nap, I thought. Just before take-off, a line of soldiers came down the aisle and filled all the vacant seats, totally surrounding me. I decided to start a conversation. 'Where are you headed?' I asked the soldier seated nearest to me.

"Petawawa. We'll be there for two weeks for special training, and then we're being deployed to Afghanistan."

After flying for about an hour, an announcement was made that sack lunches were available for five dollars. It would be several hours before we reached the east, and I quickly decided a lunch would help pass the time. As I reached for my wallet, I overheard a soldier ask his buddy if he planned to buy lunch.

"No, that seems like a lot of money for just a sack lunch. Probably wouldn't be worth five bucks. I'll wait till weget to base."

His friend agreed. I looked around at the other soldiers. None were buying lunch. I walked to the back of the plane and handed the flight attendant a fifty dollar bill.

"Take a lunch to all those soldiers."

She grabbed my arms and squeezed tightly. Her eyes wet with tears, she thanked me.

"My son was a soldier in Iraq ; it's almost like you are doing it for him."

Picking up ten sacks, she headed up the aisle to where the soldiers were seated.

She stopped at my seat later and asked,

"Which do you like best - beef or chicken?" ''Chicken," I replied, wondering why she asked.

She turned and went to the front of plane, returning a minute later with a dinner plate from first class.

"This is your thanks."

After we finished eating, I went again to the back of the plane, heading for the restroom. A man stopped me.

"I saw what you did. I want to be part of it. Here, take this."

He handed me twenty-five dollars. Soon after I returned to my seat, I saw the Flight Captain coming down the aisle, looking at the aisle numbers as he walked, I hoped he was not looking for me, but noticed he was looking at the numbers only on my side of the plane. When he got to my row he stopped, smiled, held out his hand and said,

"I want to shake your hand."

Quickly unfastening my seatbelt. I stood and took the Captain's hand. With a booming voice he said,

"I was a soldier and I was a military pilot. Once, someone bought me a lunch. It was an act of kindness I never forgot."

I was embarrassed when applause was heard from all of the passengers. Later I walked to the front of the plane so I could stretch my legs. A man who was seated about six rows in front of me reached out his hand, wanting to shake mine. He left another twenty-five dollars in my palm. When we landed I gathered my belongings and started to deplane. Waiting just inside the airplane door was a man who stopped me, put something in my shirt pocket, turned, and walked away without saying a word. Another twenty-five dollars! Upon entering the terminal, I saw the soldiers gathering for their trip to the base. I walked over to them and handed them seventy-five dollars.

"It will take you some time to reach the base. It will be about time for a sandwich. God Bless You."

Ten young men left that flight feeling the love and respect of their fellow travelers. As I walked briskly to my car, I whispered a prayer for their safe return. These soldiers were giving their all for our country. I could only give them a couple of meals. It seemed so little.

A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to 'The United States of America' for an amount of 'up to and including my life.' That is Honor, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer understand it.

Wife vs. Army Wife?

I have read some stuff lately that has really bothered me. And since I have all this time on my hands, I've had time to think about it. I struggle with the label "army wife" on a personal level anyway. But when these young army wives and girlfriends use the term to define themselves, it really makes me wonder about them as individual people. I know many people just use the term as what it simply means, you are married to an army soldier. It doesn't define you. Its not a special club. Its not a cookie cutter mold of who you're supposed to be. And when said to another "army wife" it says it all.

My problem with the term is not only the generalizations that can be made, but the fact that many young women want to use it as a special buzz word, like a secret hand shake for some club. I read something the other day... "I am many things... But most importantly, I am the Girlfriend of a United States Soldier." Well, let me tell you something my friends, I am many things, but "army wife" isn't at the top of my list.

I'm an individual.
I'm a strong independent women.
I'm a wife.
I'm a daughter.
I'm a sister.
I'm a niece.
I'm an aunt.
I'm a friend.
I'm a scholar.
I'm an employee.
I'm a co-worker
I'm Rigel's *person*.

The "I'm an army wife" hat doesn't come on until all of those other commitments are taken care of. I love my husband. It honestly doesn't matter to me if he's a soldier or a teacher or a ph.d physicist. I would love him no matter what. I knew Joe long before he ever touched an Army uniform. I'm incredibly proud of the path he's chosen, but his life doesn't define mine. His job may direct our lives, but it doesn't make me who I am. Honestly, his job doesn't even make him who he is. It might dictate his haircut, but not the kind of person he is inside.

I worry about these young women that fight so hard to be "army wives." I never even thought about the term when I was getting married. I wasn't a "future army wife." I was the future Mrs. Sutliff.

So what happens when being an "army girlfriend" doesn't work out? What happens when you get a divorce? I've seen far too many people still saying they are a "former army wife." I honestly just don't get it. Is it the drama? Is it the romance that most think our lives consist of? And of course I've seen far to many young girls chase those ACUs. That confuses me the most. So you're dating him just because he's a soldier? Just because he wears a uniform? Let me tell you, I know LOTS of soldiers. And many of them are just scumbags and losers!! Just because he is sporting the uniform and the haircut doesn't make him a stand-up guy. But that's a whole different blog. My point is, be with the guy because you love him and he loves you, not because you want to get on Twitter and label yourself as an Army wife or girlfriend.

Yes, when in conversation, the term speaks volumes. I can say to another army wife or to an army wife in a generation or two ahead of me (someone like my grandmother), yes, I'm an army wife. And they can imagine the PCS moves and the deployment worries and the shitty FRGs and the lonely nights and even the perks of military life and the amazing friendships we make. But they still know nothing about ME.

And so I struggle with labeling myself that. Even struggled naming my blog that. But I have two blogs. Did you know that? I have another blog just for ME and my non-army wife life. Because I need somewhere to forget about all the stupid Army jargon that's been thrown at me for the last 4 years. I need a place where I can be a daughter and a sister and a dog lover without the weird overtones and connotations of being labeled an Army wife.

I really dont mean to offend anyone. It's just an observation that I've made over the last few months. I want these young women to take value in their lives outside of their husband's career and haircut.

Two $7 camping chairs and a gray Tupperware box

I think that in the end, you start to think about the beginning... especially when it's staring at you straight in the face! We moved to Junction City exactly two years ago today. We had been married for 6 months. But Joe had spent those 6 months in Germany. We drove two cars up from Paris, Arkansas to Kansas. My very first experience with anything on an Army post was temporary housing losing our pet-friendly reservations TWICE. We spent 4 days in the Motel 8 while Joe in-processed and I called EVERY apartment complex in Junction City (all 6 of them). Only two were pet-friendly and only one of those had any apartments/townhouses available. So we took it. We had packed a television, a box of forks, and our clothes. Joe didn't have ANYTHING from Germany (as it took over a month to ship it here). He only had what he could take on the plane with him. We went to Wal-Mart and bought three $7 camping chairs, an air mattress, and food. I didn't pack anything we truly needed. I have no idea what I was thinking! Looking back, I think about myself as a silly little girl thinking we were camping or something. Oddly enough, that was only TWO years ago! It seems like far more than that.

So here we are. December 19th, 2009. All of our belongings have been packed up and taken away. We are left with our $7 camping chairs and that same gray Tupperware box. But this time it's packed with the RIGHT things. And when Joe looked at me last night with his beer in his hand with a sad face because HE forgot to grab his bottle opener, I can smile at him and point to the gray Tupperware box.

I look around and smile. Rigel is laying in the sun. Joe is playing the DS and cursing at the Lego characters. We have boxes of food and piles of dog toys all around us. I ask myself why I signed up to do this EVERY TWO YEARS!

But then I look at my amazing husband and my sweetheart puppy and I realize that I wouldn't want this any other way. It's amazing the things we wives do for our husbands, our soldier husbands. But I've decided that moving isn't on that list. I would follow him anywhere. And I don't even have to pack!

I want to know.

I had a friend in the National Guard in college. He deployed twice. He was at Fallujah and has pictures of him with Saddam Hussein's gold toilet. At a party once, he told me that he had shot and killed people downrange. I wasn't an Army wife then. The military wasn't even a blimp on my radar. We all felt bad for our military, but I had no idea what they really went through. I was a psych major. And one of the only females that hung out in the group. I considered myself very lucky that he felt comfortable enough with me to open up like that. He obviously needed to purge this thought. And the guys always gave him a hard time, telling him that they saw Jarhead, life downrange must be rough. And he played the big strong soldier. But I got to see the other side of him. It was so interesting to me. I tried not to pry. But I wanted him to know that he could tell me anything without me judging him or thinking poorly of him.


The night before I married Joe, I remember looking at him when I thought popped into my head. My husband could kill someone. How did I feel about that? I was so worried about him being killed, it never dawned on me that he might actually take another life. It was so strange to me. I shared the thought with Joe. He just looked at me funny, like I was really late to this party! Obviously, right! He's in the ARMY. What did I think he was going to do downrange? He noticed that the thought was new to me so we had a conversation about it. In my own sort of fuzzy morals, I managed to deal with this thought.


But now the chances of deployment are fairly high. And the thoughts come back to me. I allow myself to compartmentalize so much so I don't have to think about the thoughts of killing and death. When I open these boxes up, the worms just fly out! And my thoughts often return to that young National Guardsman that needed to tell someone what he had done. So I told Joe that I wanted to know if he had killed someone. He just laughs at me. But I have my reasons. I don't want to have to wonder if he's killed someone. But I also don't want him to think he has to hide that side of himself from me. I don't want that tension on our relationship. He already knows that I have fairly fuzzy morals about the world anyway. On a personal level, I'm a serious humanist, knowing that ALL people are equal human beings, no matter their race, gender, religion, or beliefs. We have many conversations about taking a life and why I'm not in the Army. I don't like the idea of being sent somewhere and ordered to kill someone I don't know over stupid political gains, money, or oil. But on the flip side, if someone broke into my house, I would be the first one to shoot them in the face (My husband likes that quote).


So Joe asked me again the other day if I would want to know if he killed someone. And again, I said yes. Thankfully, his job and MOS might not require him to be in much combat, if any at all. My grandpa was a mechanic in Vietnam. When he was asked if he killed anyone, he used to tell a story about being in the motor pool one evening when three enemies walked in. He says he fired at them, but doesn't know if he killed anyone. But now being an Army wife and not a granddaughter, it makes me wonder if it was just a story to keep us quiet. Surely he knew if he had killed someone. And of course he wouldn't tell his small grandchildren the whole story, but would he tell his wife?


I want Joe to be able to purge all he needs to. And my mother asks me, do you want to know when Joe has to kill that 9 year old holding a gun? But more than for my curiosity, I want Joe to be able to get it all off his chest without the guilt of thinking I'm going to label him a bad guy. This is war. He's in the Army. I knew this when I married him. So yes mom, when that 9 year old has a gun aimed at my husband, I want my husband to shoot back. And I want him to be able to tell me he survived another day because he did what he needed to do. I don't want him to think he has to bury that deep inside and live with that secret for the rest of his life.

What can I say... fuzzy morals.



I haven't expressed this thought to many people. I get two very different extreme reactions. Some people are quick to understand and see where I'm coming from. Others cant see the reasons I feel are very warranted and want to reprimand me for my ideas. I just wanted to send this out into the void. I don't know if these thoughts are normal for a woman married to an Army solider. I've been told I might be more open to the idea because of my background and psychology degree. But these are my thoughts. And I promised myself that I would be as honest as I could on this blog.

Would you want to know? Would you want your husband to be able to share that with you if he wanted to?

Deployment "readiness"

I was already in bed last night when Joe came to bed. We were snuggling when all of a sudden I get a random question.

"Sara, I'm probably deploying in March. Are you ready?"

How do you answer your husband and a question like this? So my response?

"Sweetie, I'm not deploying. You are. Are YOU ready?"

And maybe that's exactly what I was supposed to say (psychology degree finally paying off!). I think he needed to talk about the deployment and our relationship. We joked and poked fun at the deployment and a long distance marriage. We talked about coming home and acclimating to "normal" life. We talked about OPSEC and phone calls. We talked about expectations.

I was afraid that Joe wouldnt talk about some things. He's a very private person; not quick to express his feelings and fears. He's not one to show weakness, even to me, his wife and girlfriend of almost a decade! We have a great relationship, and do long distance very well. Joe was in Germany for two years. And between phone cards and Yahoo! messenger, we did pretty good. But it means a lot to me that he wants to make sure I'm ready or prepared for the possible outcome. I will always hope for the best. But I think he knows it's my nature to prepare for the worst. So on this Thanksgiving Eve, I am thankful for a realistic, loving, supportive husband who loves me enough to open up and talk about his fears and worries.

I love you sweetie! And I'll be as ready as I can be when that day comes.

My dream wedding... and how the Army changed it.

For a few days now, I've been thinking about the things about my life that will change because of the military. Not in a bad way, just changed. Sometimes even for the better! And a girl friend of mine is experiencing this first hand while trying to plan a wedding with her deployed soldier. So here's my wedding, first the wedding I wanted as a young girl, and then the wedding I got when I decided to marry a soldier.

I wanted a winter wedding at Wiederkehr Wine Cellars, a wine village my grandfather helped design. In their big dark red ballroom. With white lights everywhere. And my brother officiating at the top of the staircase. Me in a long white dress. Hubs in a nice dark gray suit. Sit down dinner for everyone. And then dancing! Very low-key and casual but super fun!

So Joe flew in from Germany in January 2007. He proposed on my birthday, January 20th. We had an amazing night. But he had to fly back to Germany two days later. And I had to concentrate on college. So we were planning a December wedding; a whole year for my mom and me to plan this thing. Very do-able. I was just about to put down a $500 non-refundable deposit on my dream ballroom when Joe calls me. He can get leave in June. Whoa. Okay, so now no winter wedding. Okay, that's fine. But the ballroom might still be do-able! Okay, lets plan this sucker! And then another call. How about August? Okay, no big deal. But the $500 deposit cant be wasted on a date that might not happen at all. So the ballroom isn't possible at all. Okay, that's fine. But where do we have a wedding that doesn't require a set date? Yep, my parents' backyard! It's big enough for my whole crazy family. And FREE!! Everything changed, down to the wedding colors! Now they are celadon and tangerine. (Although, I was told by a wedding planner that celadon was the "it" color that year. Who would have guessed I was in fashion!!) So another phone call. Now his leave is in July. Can we have it July 7, 2007? That would be freaking awesome!! Nope, sorry, Joe cant fly in until July 10th. So in February, my mother and I have basically 4 months to plan a wedding. My mother did an AWESOME job! The whole family pulled together to fix up the back yard. It was beautiful by the time we had the wedding. Lush green ferns, Gerber daises, and tiny orange flowers my grandma potted for us. We didn't have a set date until two weeks out. Which means that we couldn't special order any invitations. I did them all my hand. Which was okay by me, because I'm very picky about stuff like that. But we had two weeks to send them out to family. But my family being my family, they already knew the issues we were dealing with and didn't care about the short notice. Joe flew in on July 10th. We had three days to get the marriage license and Joe's wedding vest (didn't make him wear a jacket in the July heat).

We got married on Friday, July 13th, 2007 at 6pm. In my parents' back yard. Surrounded by 150 people I love. And in that moment, I realized that even though it wasn't the dream wedding I planned as a child, it was my dream wedding because I got to marry this boy. And I got to marry him on the porch I used to play on as a child. I got to marry him in front of everyone I care about. I got to marry Joe. And it didn't matter where we were. My mother still cried.

Did we get a honeymoon. Sorta. We went to spa-tastic Eureka Springs, AR, and stayed there for a few nights. It was so nice. Just me and Joe. I hadn't been alone with him for that many days straight in literally YEARS. He got 21 days leave. But travel time was included in that. So only a week later, Joe had to fly back to Germany for 4 more months. I was a newlywed without my partner. And it sucked.

Looking back at the whole ordeal, this almost seems like an Army wife orientation. How can YOU handle planning the biggest day of YOUR life around the Army's schedule? You cant get mad at anyone about it. Your husband has no control over any of it. But if you can plan a wedding on the Army's time table, you can plan anything on the Army's schedule! Now, I know that someone out there is an Army wife that had her perfect wedding while also marrying a soldier. But I don't know any of them! Many of my Army wife friends had fly-by weddings as their husbands were breezing through. As far as I can tell, this is the norm in the Army. Couples have courthouse weddings in anticipation of a real church wedding later on. But I know that only a handful of those women actually get the church wedding they are waiting for. Life gets in the way (isn't that a song?). But at the end of the day, we are all married to the love of our lives. So what does it matter?

So did the Army change my plans? Most definitely. But I like to think it was for the better. I loved my wedding. I got the low-key casual event I wanted. I have a gorgeous scrapbook to show for it (thanks mom!!) and the love of my life upstairs snoring in our bed. So I'm going to take this lesson with me on my PCS move. No one can control the Army. You just have to go with the flow. Something I'm not good at, but I'm learning. And by the time this craziness is over in 16 years, I'll be a pro at it!